Friends,
The words that I post to this blog come from my heart. And they are planted in my heart by the Holy Spirit. He continues to teach so much! This blog serves as a way for me to process what I am learning and gives me the opportunity to share it with you. I want to encourage you if you are suffering or hurting. I want to rejoice with you at God's faithfulness and provision! God is so amazing!
Months ago, when I started writing here, I felt like I was a valuable part of the Kingdom. And then God called me to rest. Once He released me from that rest, I began sharing with you again. I felt like sharing my story and God's words with you gave my struggle, my "valley" purpose and meaning. God allowed me this time of sharing as a way for Him to encourage me....I am important to Him. I am still usable, regardless of my failures. He notices me. He loves me. His mercies are new for me every morning! And I needed to feel these things from the God of the universe!
Once again, however, He has called me to a season of rest. He is drawing me near to Him...reminding me to listen for Him, to slow down and deal with some new obstacles and mountains that have shown up on my journey. But I am still confident that I am not walking alone but in the footsteps of my Savior!
I pray that God releases me to share with you again soon. But I also know that He is calling me to this season of rest to prepare me for something I'm not expecting.
Blessings,
Casey
Friday, August 6, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Being Filled
"Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."
Deuteronomy 8:3
The story of Jairus' daughter is a familiar one. The young girl dies. Jesus comes to her and instructs her to get up. The girl immediately gets up and begins walking around. Jesus then instructs those around her to give her something to eat. (Mark 5:39-43)
After reading this story and considering all that Jesus did, I see this miracle as an example of the way Christ would have us live. You see, at the very words of Christ, the girl awoke. And it is at the words of Christ that we are redeemed, restored, and made whole - saved from our sins. And just like this girl, we should answer Christ's call with immediate obedience. As soon as she heard the voice of Christ calling to her, she acted! Shouldn't we respond in this same way?
But Christ didn't just get her obedience and head on His way. He saw her obedience and then instructed her to be given something to eat. He honored her obedience by seeing that she was filled. And He will also honor our obedience and see that we are filled. Filled by living on the very word of God. He left us His Word to make sure that we have an infinite source from which to be filled. This is exciting to me. Christ calls. We obey. He fills.
Christ calls us to something...a new job, a difficult conversation, a step of faith. And, if we are listening for His voice and seeking His will, we will hear it and obey. There is something about hearing God's voice and knowing that, however difficult the path may be, I am walking the road that God has called me to walk! Does this mean that I will no longer face trials or hardships? Certainly not. Christ makes that clear. But if we are listening for the voice of God, we will hear it! Knowing this only makes me want to spend more time in the Word, listening for more of God's voice.
You see, my obedience to Christ's call is naturally followed by a desire to fill up my heart with the "very word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." I get a taste of what it feels like to be intimately connected to the Creator of the universe, and I want more!
Getting into God's Word, digging in, going deeper not only strengthens our faith and our knowledge of God and His character; it provides for us an opportunity to hear the voice of God, the choice to respond in obedience, and the willingness to receive complete fulfillment in every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord!
Deuteronomy 8:3
The story of Jairus' daughter is a familiar one. The young girl dies. Jesus comes to her and instructs her to get up. The girl immediately gets up and begins walking around. Jesus then instructs those around her to give her something to eat. (Mark 5:39-43)
After reading this story and considering all that Jesus did, I see this miracle as an example of the way Christ would have us live. You see, at the very words of Christ, the girl awoke. And it is at the words of Christ that we are redeemed, restored, and made whole - saved from our sins. And just like this girl, we should answer Christ's call with immediate obedience. As soon as she heard the voice of Christ calling to her, she acted! Shouldn't we respond in this same way?
But Christ didn't just get her obedience and head on His way. He saw her obedience and then instructed her to be given something to eat. He honored her obedience by seeing that she was filled. And He will also honor our obedience and see that we are filled. Filled by living on the very word of God. He left us His Word to make sure that we have an infinite source from which to be filled. This is exciting to me. Christ calls. We obey. He fills.
Christ calls us to something...a new job, a difficult conversation, a step of faith. And, if we are listening for His voice and seeking His will, we will hear it and obey. There is something about hearing God's voice and knowing that, however difficult the path may be, I am walking the road that God has called me to walk! Does this mean that I will no longer face trials or hardships? Certainly not. Christ makes that clear. But if we are listening for the voice of God, we will hear it! Knowing this only makes me want to spend more time in the Word, listening for more of God's voice.
You see, my obedience to Christ's call is naturally followed by a desire to fill up my heart with the "very word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." I get a taste of what it feels like to be intimately connected to the Creator of the universe, and I want more!
Getting into God's Word, digging in, going deeper not only strengthens our faith and our knowledge of God and His character; it provides for us an opportunity to hear the voice of God, the choice to respond in obedience, and the willingness to receive complete fulfillment in every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Expectations
Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.
Each morning I bring my requests to you
and wait expectantly.
Psalm 5:3
This week I had an odd desire for home improvement projects. With two small boys under foot, that limits me quite a bit. So I bought a few artsy pieces to hang on the walls. I also changed the rugs on our living room floor. But it still wasn't change enough to satisfy me. So I decided to rearrange the living room furniture as well. I moved every single piece of furniture in the room. (And I think it looks quite welcoming now.)
Greg came home from work, hugged on the boys, had some dinner, changed his clothes, and checked his email. ALL of these tasks involve either being in the living room or walking through the living room. And my sweet husband was home for over half an hour before he noticed that I had completely changed our living room. He was sitting in our living room oblivious to the changes in his surroundings.
Don't we treat God like this sometimes? We just expect things to always be the same. And we are so busy looking for His answers to our problems, His hand in our lives, His grace in our struggles, that we completely miss out on the blessings He has already given us, blessings that are anything but ordinary. Just like my husband - sitting in the middle of the living room floor, oblivious to the obvious - aren't we often sitting right in the middle of God's grace and love, oblivious to His presence because we are expecting things to be the way they have always been? We ask and seek and pray with the expectation that everything is going to be the "same old, same old."
But what if we prayed with the expectation that God was going to move all of the living room furniture around? What if we stopped going through the motions and took the time to look around us? I'm certain that we would be pleasantly surprised by what we find. Not the mundane but the magnificent. Not the routine but the remarkable. Not the familiar but the fantastic. Not the simple but the splendid. Let's remember to pray expectantly - expecting God to respond creatively, lavishly, extravagantly!
Each morning I bring my requests to you
and wait expectantly.
Psalm 5:3
This week I had an odd desire for home improvement projects. With two small boys under foot, that limits me quite a bit. So I bought a few artsy pieces to hang on the walls. I also changed the rugs on our living room floor. But it still wasn't change enough to satisfy me. So I decided to rearrange the living room furniture as well. I moved every single piece of furniture in the room. (And I think it looks quite welcoming now.)
Greg came home from work, hugged on the boys, had some dinner, changed his clothes, and checked his email. ALL of these tasks involve either being in the living room or walking through the living room. And my sweet husband was home for over half an hour before he noticed that I had completely changed our living room. He was sitting in our living room oblivious to the changes in his surroundings.
Don't we treat God like this sometimes? We just expect things to always be the same. And we are so busy looking for His answers to our problems, His hand in our lives, His grace in our struggles, that we completely miss out on the blessings He has already given us, blessings that are anything but ordinary. Just like my husband - sitting in the middle of the living room floor, oblivious to the obvious - aren't we often sitting right in the middle of God's grace and love, oblivious to His presence because we are expecting things to be the way they have always been? We ask and seek and pray with the expectation that everything is going to be the "same old, same old."
But what if we prayed with the expectation that God was going to move all of the living room furniture around? What if we stopped going through the motions and took the time to look around us? I'm certain that we would be pleasantly surprised by what we find. Not the mundane but the magnificent. Not the routine but the remarkable. Not the familiar but the fantastic. Not the simple but the splendid. Let's remember to pray expectantly - expecting God to respond creatively, lavishly, extravagantly!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Honestly
I've really been struggling with something to write tonight. I get so excited to share with you so much of what God is showing me and has been showing me in the last six months. And I still have many, many things in my heart that I want to write about. But tonight, I just can't seem to find the words.
I have been praying earnestly for the last couple of weeks for God to show me what to do next. What am I supposed to be doing with all that He is revealing to me about Himself and His word? How do I continue to trudge through this valley and bring Him glory? How do I continue on, day after day, to choose victory? Why did God show me victory and not give me healing too?
I don't have the answers to these questions. But I find encouragement in the words to Sam's favorite song:
I keep knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.
I keep talk, talk, talking 'cause you answer Lord.
Won't be stop, stop, stopping so be listening for me.
I'm knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)
Jesus doesn't say, "Pray and I might answer you. Knock and maybe the door will open." He says the door will be opened and He will answer us! I am having to trust that He does hear my prayers. And He will honor my sacrifices of praise. In the midst of everything that is churning in my heart and in my soul, I stand on the Truth! God is faithful!
And until He chooses to answer my questions, I won't be stop, stop, stopping! Because I know He answers, and I know that He is listening!
*********
I pray that something I have shared tonight has touched you. I pray that you may be encouraged by hearing of my struggles. You are not alone in whatever you are facing. God is listening. He does hear your prayers. Keep knocking, sweet friends! Don't stop! And I look forward to hearing of God's faithfulness to you in your struggles.
I have been praying earnestly for the last couple of weeks for God to show me what to do next. What am I supposed to be doing with all that He is revealing to me about Himself and His word? How do I continue to trudge through this valley and bring Him glory? How do I continue on, day after day, to choose victory? Why did God show me victory and not give me healing too?
I don't have the answers to these questions. But I find encouragement in the words to Sam's favorite song:
I keep knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.
I keep talk, talk, talking 'cause you answer Lord.
Won't be stop, stop, stopping so be listening for me.
I'm knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7)
Jesus doesn't say, "Pray and I might answer you. Knock and maybe the door will open." He says the door will be opened and He will answer us! I am having to trust that He does hear my prayers. And He will honor my sacrifices of praise. In the midst of everything that is churning in my heart and in my soul, I stand on the Truth! God is faithful!
And until He chooses to answer my questions, I won't be stop, stop, stopping! Because I know He answers, and I know that He is listening!
*********
I pray that something I have shared tonight has touched you. I pray that you may be encouraged by hearing of my struggles. You are not alone in whatever you are facing. God is listening. He does hear your prayers. Keep knocking, sweet friends! Don't stop! And I look forward to hearing of God's faithfulness to you in your struggles.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
5 Steps to Victory - Step Five
"Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you."
Luke 10:19
(Blogging from the beach....what a wonderful place to share with you this last step to victory! Looking out at the vast ocean and endless skies is the perfect reminder of the power of God!)
There isn't much that I feel I need to add to the words of Jesus in this verse. Many times, the Bible speaks for itself. And I think that is certainly the case here. We have authority over the enemy! We are not to allow ourselves to be victims to Satan's schemes and lies. We have a power, given to us by Jesus Christ, that will take care of any tactic the enemy may throw at us.
The power that we have over the enemy is the same power that raised Christ from the dead. It is the same power that parted the Red Sea. It is the power that healed disease, sickness, even death. It is amazing, Holy-Spirit power! And we can often get so bogged down in our struggles that we fail to utilize this most perfect weapon.
And one thing that really gets me excited is this: We have been given the power to tread over the enemy. "To tread" means "to trample or crush underfoot." It means to crush or to oppress. I don't know about you, but I certainly like those images: crushing Satan, trampling him to bits!
This final step that God shared with me about obtaining victory in my life serves as a reminder that I am by no means a victim of Satan. I am an empowered child of the King! I have been deemed worthy to receive this gift of authority. I have been called to stand against Satan, tread on his attempts to oppress me, and walk in the fullness of victory behind the Prince of Peace!
It is my prayer that you feel this same empowerment in whatever you may be facing. You do not have to play the victim in Satan's schemes. Call him out! Resist him! Stand on the authority that is yours! Walk victoriously in the footsteps of Christ! Follow Him out as He leads you in triumph over the enemy! Rejoice that you know the Truth....and the Truth will most certainly set you free!
Luke 10:19
(Blogging from the beach....what a wonderful place to share with you this last step to victory! Looking out at the vast ocean and endless skies is the perfect reminder of the power of God!)
There isn't much that I feel I need to add to the words of Jesus in this verse. Many times, the Bible speaks for itself. And I think that is certainly the case here. We have authority over the enemy! We are not to allow ourselves to be victims to Satan's schemes and lies. We have a power, given to us by Jesus Christ, that will take care of any tactic the enemy may throw at us.
The power that we have over the enemy is the same power that raised Christ from the dead. It is the same power that parted the Red Sea. It is the power that healed disease, sickness, even death. It is amazing, Holy-Spirit power! And we can often get so bogged down in our struggles that we fail to utilize this most perfect weapon.
And one thing that really gets me excited is this: We have been given the power to tread over the enemy. "To tread" means "to trample or crush underfoot." It means to crush or to oppress. I don't know about you, but I certainly like those images: crushing Satan, trampling him to bits!
This final step that God shared with me about obtaining victory in my life serves as a reminder that I am by no means a victim of Satan. I am an empowered child of the King! I have been deemed worthy to receive this gift of authority. I have been called to stand against Satan, tread on his attempts to oppress me, and walk in the fullness of victory behind the Prince of Peace!
It is my prayer that you feel this same empowerment in whatever you may be facing. You do not have to play the victim in Satan's schemes. Call him out! Resist him! Stand on the authority that is yours! Walk victoriously in the footsteps of Christ! Follow Him out as He leads you in triumph over the enemy! Rejoice that you know the Truth....and the Truth will most certainly set you free!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
5 Steps to Victory - Step Four
"Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little."
1 Peter 5:10
For the last ten days or so, I have been sharing with you the five steps that God used to lead me to victory. Today, is (obviously) Step Four. I just want to say again that these are the Scriptures that I have claimed to remind me of the victory I am promised as a daughter of the King. I pray that you find encouragement in my journey, but that you would also ask God to show you your own steps to overcoming obstacles...steps that are specific to your situations. It is an incredible feeling to be led by the Lord down a pathway - specially laid out for you - that leads to abundant life!
This verse from 1 Peter was shared with me in May. I had spent the last 12 months in a tailspin. I felt like a failure and a disappointment - to God and to my family. I was a mess inside and out. And then these words were spoken to me and my heart was pricked.
These words carry a promise - a promise of restoration and strength. But what stirred my soul was this: God Himself will personally fulfill these promises! I know that in my darkest hours, I would rejoice at the thought of being restored and strengthened. And I know that God can accomplish this promise with a single word. But the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, Jehovah-Jireh is not only going to send us these things....He is going to personally deliver them to us!
I was set on fire by the thought that God would take the time to even bother fixing someone who was such a disaster. I had convinced myself that God only looked upon me with disappointment and pity. Surely I had messed up any chance I had at receiving anything from Him. But, not only was He going to establish me, restore me, strengthen me, and support me - He was going to do it in an intimate and personal manner. This gives me the courage to face the days and weeks ahead.
You see, we don't get these promises - this gift from God - until we have "suffered a little." God is not going to rush down and lavish us with these things just because we ask Him to. He is most certainly going to wait until the perfect moment...the moment that will bring Him the most glory.
Learning to trust God's timetable is difficult. But I am inspired by the words of Jesus in John 11. Lazarus is sick and word has been sent to Jesus. Instead of dashing to His friend's side, Jesus says, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." And even though Lazarus did die...the story does not end there! Jesus restores Lazarus! It is my prayer, that even in my darkest moments, I would be able to say with confidence and boldness, "It is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it!"
I am walking in victory, sometimes minute by minute...and even then falling very short most days. I still have a long way to go to complete healing. But I am clinging to God's promise that He will bring to me total restoration in His outstretched hands after I have suffered for a little while. And until the day that I receive His special delivery, I proclaim to you and to Him and to the world, that every panic attack, every tear, every failure "is for God's glory!" May Jesus be glorified in our weakness!
1 Peter 5:10
For the last ten days or so, I have been sharing with you the five steps that God used to lead me to victory. Today, is (obviously) Step Four. I just want to say again that these are the Scriptures that I have claimed to remind me of the victory I am promised as a daughter of the King. I pray that you find encouragement in my journey, but that you would also ask God to show you your own steps to overcoming obstacles...steps that are specific to your situations. It is an incredible feeling to be led by the Lord down a pathway - specially laid out for you - that leads to abundant life!
This verse from 1 Peter was shared with me in May. I had spent the last 12 months in a tailspin. I felt like a failure and a disappointment - to God and to my family. I was a mess inside and out. And then these words were spoken to me and my heart was pricked.
These words carry a promise - a promise of restoration and strength. But what stirred my soul was this: God Himself will personally fulfill these promises! I know that in my darkest hours, I would rejoice at the thought of being restored and strengthened. And I know that God can accomplish this promise with a single word. But the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, Jehovah-Jireh is not only going to send us these things....He is going to personally deliver them to us!
I was set on fire by the thought that God would take the time to even bother fixing someone who was such a disaster. I had convinced myself that God only looked upon me with disappointment and pity. Surely I had messed up any chance I had at receiving anything from Him. But, not only was He going to establish me, restore me, strengthen me, and support me - He was going to do it in an intimate and personal manner. This gives me the courage to face the days and weeks ahead.
You see, we don't get these promises - this gift from God - until we have "suffered a little." God is not going to rush down and lavish us with these things just because we ask Him to. He is most certainly going to wait until the perfect moment...the moment that will bring Him the most glory.
Learning to trust God's timetable is difficult. But I am inspired by the words of Jesus in John 11. Lazarus is sick and word has been sent to Jesus. Instead of dashing to His friend's side, Jesus says, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." And even though Lazarus did die...the story does not end there! Jesus restores Lazarus! It is my prayer, that even in my darkest moments, I would be able to say with confidence and boldness, "It is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it!"
I am walking in victory, sometimes minute by minute...and even then falling very short most days. I still have a long way to go to complete healing. But I am clinging to God's promise that He will bring to me total restoration in His outstretched hands after I have suffered for a little while. And until the day that I receive His special delivery, I proclaim to you and to Him and to the world, that every panic attack, every tear, every failure "is for God's glory!" May Jesus be glorified in our weakness!
Friday, July 2, 2010
5 Steps to Victory - Step Three
"And you know that God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. Then Jesus went around doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him."
Acts 10:38
Healing. When I think about healing, I think of people's brain tumors disappearing. Or the doctors being baffled when they can't find any traces of cancer. I even think of God taking away all signs of postpartum depression in my own life just over three years ago. I only think of healing as the removal of any physical or chemical ailment.
But my ideas of healing all changed a couple of months ago. In May, as I sat on my couch praying for complete physical healing from my depression and panic disorder, God pricked my heart with the verse above. Jesus was anointed by God to heal much more than physical problems. The Bible shows us countless times when Jesus did take away physical ailments. He restored sight, made lame men walk, and so many others. He even healed Lazarus from the ultimate - death. Jesus absolutely is still in the miracle-working business today. I think that we should be very careful not to pass off His miracles as coincidence or happenstance. He is all-powerful and worthy of all praise for it!
As I sat in my darkened living room, God showed me something that would prove to be a turning point in my journey through the valley. I had spent months and months begging God to take away all of the things that were wrong with me. And He said to me that night, with all tenderness and love, "Perhaps physical healing is not what you most need, Casey."
You see, more than having my physical body restored, I desperately needed my spiritual self to be made new. I was certainly being "oppressed by the devil." First Peter warns us that the enemy is always on the lookout for those whom he can "devour." And he saw my depression as the perfect opportunity to sneak in and set up camp. My heart was full of strongholds. Satan was around to stay.
And then - I began to pray against the role that Satan was playing in my problems. I called him out, confessed secret sin, and battled with renewed fervor. I wish I could say that I was given complete healing as I sat on my couch that night. But God had better plans for me....even if I didn't agree!
Healing is about so much more than just the removal of physical pain and disease. It's about turning our hearts over completely to God and trusting Him to protect us from the enemy's advances. We must daily take up our shields of faith - faith that God is who He says He is. Faith that God is still working miracles. Faith that, one day, we will all be completely healed and whole as we worship our Savior forever!
Acts 10:38
Healing. When I think about healing, I think of people's brain tumors disappearing. Or the doctors being baffled when they can't find any traces of cancer. I even think of God taking away all signs of postpartum depression in my own life just over three years ago. I only think of healing as the removal of any physical or chemical ailment.
But my ideas of healing all changed a couple of months ago. In May, as I sat on my couch praying for complete physical healing from my depression and panic disorder, God pricked my heart with the verse above. Jesus was anointed by God to heal much more than physical problems. The Bible shows us countless times when Jesus did take away physical ailments. He restored sight, made lame men walk, and so many others. He even healed Lazarus from the ultimate - death. Jesus absolutely is still in the miracle-working business today. I think that we should be very careful not to pass off His miracles as coincidence or happenstance. He is all-powerful and worthy of all praise for it!
As I sat in my darkened living room, God showed me something that would prove to be a turning point in my journey through the valley. I had spent months and months begging God to take away all of the things that were wrong with me. And He said to me that night, with all tenderness and love, "Perhaps physical healing is not what you most need, Casey."
You see, more than having my physical body restored, I desperately needed my spiritual self to be made new. I was certainly being "oppressed by the devil." First Peter warns us that the enemy is always on the lookout for those whom he can "devour." And he saw my depression as the perfect opportunity to sneak in and set up camp. My heart was full of strongholds. Satan was around to stay.
And then - I began to pray against the role that Satan was playing in my problems. I called him out, confessed secret sin, and battled with renewed fervor. I wish I could say that I was given complete healing as I sat on my couch that night. But God had better plans for me....even if I didn't agree!
Healing is about so much more than just the removal of physical pain and disease. It's about turning our hearts over completely to God and trusting Him to protect us from the enemy's advances. We must daily take up our shields of faith - faith that God is who He says He is. Faith that God is still working miracles. Faith that, one day, we will all be completely healed and whole as we worship our Savior forever!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
5 Steps to Victory - Step Two
Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and joy may end in grief.
Proverbs 14:13
One of the most difficult things I have had to learn in this valley was to be vulnerable and weak. I have always hated to think that I may have caused anyone any trouble. So admitting to others that I was struggling was very hard for me to do. Opening myself up, being honest about my depression, letting people see my tears - all of this was completely outside of my comfort zone. But I have learned that trusting and following Christ with complete abandon has never involved my comfort zone!
As God started to pull everything together and prepare me for my next big step of faith, I began to really grapple with reconciling being vulnerable about the conflict still raging inside of me and walking in victory no matter the cost. As I wrote in "Step One," I knew that I was to be obedient. But I was so worried about looking to others like a hypocrite.
How can I be rejoicing in the Lord and still claim to be a wreck on the inside?
What if people think I am faking one emotion or the other just to get some attention or pity?
God quickly and gently led me to the verse above. It doesn't matter what other people think as long as I know that I am being obedient to what God has called me to do. And I know that God is calling me to praise Him in this valley. And my heart can still be aching when I am laughing. The valley is not generally a place of laughter and celebration....unless it is laughing in the Lord and celebrating my salvation. My heart still aches many days. What has changed? This is what has changed:
"When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me up with the Holy Ghost,
how He healed me to the uttermost...
When I think about the Lord,
how He picked me up and turned me around
how He placed my feet on solid ground...
It makes me wanna' shout,
Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all of the glory
and all of the honor and all of the praise."
God has not called us to be happy. God has not called us to follow Him down a path free of obstacles. He knows what lies ahead. And He goes before us, leveling the mountains we need not face and giving us the strength to climb the ones we must. God has gifted us with the most precious of gifts - His son. And that is enough to get my heart to laughing, regardless of the turmoil in my heart!
It is my prayer that you would be encouraged to know that God sees your tears. God hears your cries for help. God knows the pain in your heart. And He is urging you to praise Him in your storm. Trust that His plan is bigger. Know that His plan is better! And worship and honor Him even if your heart is aching!
(I would love to know how I can pray for you, my faithful blog readers. I sincerely believe that God has brought me to this point in the valley so that I might share my story to encourage other believers who find themselves trudging through the valley. Know that you are not alone and that victory is yours in Christ Jesus!)
and joy may end in grief.
Proverbs 14:13
One of the most difficult things I have had to learn in this valley was to be vulnerable and weak. I have always hated to think that I may have caused anyone any trouble. So admitting to others that I was struggling was very hard for me to do. Opening myself up, being honest about my depression, letting people see my tears - all of this was completely outside of my comfort zone. But I have learned that trusting and following Christ with complete abandon has never involved my comfort zone!
As God started to pull everything together and prepare me for my next big step of faith, I began to really grapple with reconciling being vulnerable about the conflict still raging inside of me and walking in victory no matter the cost. As I wrote in "Step One," I knew that I was to be obedient. But I was so worried about looking to others like a hypocrite.
How can I be rejoicing in the Lord and still claim to be a wreck on the inside?
What if people think I am faking one emotion or the other just to get some attention or pity?
God quickly and gently led me to the verse above. It doesn't matter what other people think as long as I know that I am being obedient to what God has called me to do. And I know that God is calling me to praise Him in this valley. And my heart can still be aching when I am laughing. The valley is not generally a place of laughter and celebration....unless it is laughing in the Lord and celebrating my salvation. My heart still aches many days. What has changed? This is what has changed:
"When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me up with the Holy Ghost,
how He healed me to the uttermost...
When I think about the Lord,
how He picked me up and turned me around
how He placed my feet on solid ground...
It makes me wanna' shout,
Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all of the glory
and all of the honor and all of the praise."
God has not called us to be happy. God has not called us to follow Him down a path free of obstacles. He knows what lies ahead. And He goes before us, leveling the mountains we need not face and giving us the strength to climb the ones we must. God has gifted us with the most precious of gifts - His son. And that is enough to get my heart to laughing, regardless of the turmoil in my heart!
It is my prayer that you would be encouraged to know that God sees your tears. God hears your cries for help. God knows the pain in your heart. And He is urging you to praise Him in your storm. Trust that His plan is bigger. Know that His plan is better! And worship and honor Him even if your heart is aching!
(I would love to know how I can pray for you, my faithful blog readers. I sincerely believe that God has brought me to this point in the valley so that I might share my story to encourage other believers who find themselves trudging through the valley. Know that you are not alone and that victory is yours in Christ Jesus!)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
5 Steps to Victory - Step One
(God has shown me so much in the last year. I am still in awe of how differently I see Him today compared to this time last year. This has been the most difficult and dark time in my life. But I count it all good knowing that the trials I have faced served only to bring me into a more intimate relationship with my Father. I have spent so much time in prayer and in the Word, searching for answers. Trying desperately to walk in victory and most often coming up very short. Over the next little while, I would like to share with you God's answer to my prayers. This is not the beat-all, end-all answer to everyone's questions or problems. It is, however, God's answer to my prayers, and I pray that you may somehow be encouraged by the truth that He has spoken into my life!)
STEP ONE:
"Giving thanks when you don't feel like it is not hypocrisy, it is obedience."
-John G. Mitchell
I worry way too much about what people think. Thankfully, God is helping me to overcome this and walk in truth. In the last month, I have prayed that God would show me how to praise Him even when my heart feels only despair. I thought that rejoicing in the Lord would only make me out to be a hypocrite because of the pain that I was feeling inside. Then I came across the quote above and it was as though God spoke right into my heart. He wants me to be thankful in all situations.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Giving thanks no matter what the circumstances is what God wants me to do. He desires my praise even when I don't feel like praising Him. You see, it's not about what we feel; it's about what we know. I won't lie to you...it is very hard to walk in this knowing. Our feelings can be very strong and difficult to overcome. But we do not have to do the overcoming on our own. God will give us the strength and the wisdom to do these things if only we will trust Him.
What greater testimony to the provision and faithfulness of God than a believer who is walking in the valley and still lifting her face toward heaven, praising God and giving thanks! Is this easy to do? Absolutely not. But, in my weakness, He is strong! Praise God that I don't have to muster up the strength to thank Him. I only have to admit that I am weak and He will provide exactly what I need to honor and praise Him, even if it means ignoring the brokenness I feel inside. His grace is sufficient!
Whatever trials you may be facing today, it is my prayer that you step out in faith and offer to God a prayer of thanksgiving. He will not only be glorified in your praise but also in your obedience..."for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
STEP ONE:
"Giving thanks when you don't feel like it is not hypocrisy, it is obedience."
-John G. Mitchell
I worry way too much about what people think. Thankfully, God is helping me to overcome this and walk in truth. In the last month, I have prayed that God would show me how to praise Him even when my heart feels only despair. I thought that rejoicing in the Lord would only make me out to be a hypocrite because of the pain that I was feeling inside. Then I came across the quote above and it was as though God spoke right into my heart. He wants me to be thankful in all situations.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Giving thanks no matter what the circumstances is what God wants me to do. He desires my praise even when I don't feel like praising Him. You see, it's not about what we feel; it's about what we know. I won't lie to you...it is very hard to walk in this knowing. Our feelings can be very strong and difficult to overcome. But we do not have to do the overcoming on our own. God will give us the strength and the wisdom to do these things if only we will trust Him.
What greater testimony to the provision and faithfulness of God than a believer who is walking in the valley and still lifting her face toward heaven, praising God and giving thanks! Is this easy to do? Absolutely not. But, in my weakness, He is strong! Praise God that I don't have to muster up the strength to thank Him. I only have to admit that I am weak and He will provide exactly what I need to honor and praise Him, even if it means ignoring the brokenness I feel inside. His grace is sufficient!
Whatever trials you may be facing today, it is my prayer that you step out in faith and offer to God a prayer of thanksgiving. He will not only be glorified in your praise but also in your obedience..."for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Friday, June 25, 2010
I Can't Do It
"Then he said to them, "Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."
Nehemiah 8:10
I am amazingly blessed! Yesterday was a wonderful day of celebration with some of my favorite people. It was a time of rejoicing with the women who have been praying me through these last 10 months. I was honored to be able to share with them the victory that they helped me to reach in Christ!
As a result of the excitement yesterday, I am facing the days ahead with renewed awe at God's faithfulness and provision. I am also reminded just how much I can't do on my own. Alone, I don't have what it takes to get out of bed somedays. Alone, I am not able to stop the tears and praise my King. Alone, I have no desire to be engaged with society. Alone, I cannot overcome my anxiety or depression.
But the joy of the Lord in me gives me an unlimited source of strength from which to draw in order to face the difficulties that come my way. Even on days when I am at my worst, nothing can take away my joy. I don't have to be happy to be joyful. I don't have to be free of battle to rejoice in the victory. I have a joy in my heart that cannot be taken away. It is the joy of my salvation and the source of my strength. God in me makes me able to rejoice!
Praise the Lord that in my weakness, He is strong! When I feel like there isn't anything to be thankful for, all I have to do is ask God to "return to me the joy of my salvation" and all is as He designed it to be!
Draw your strength, my friends, from the joy that is yours in your salvation. If you have nothing else in the whole world to thank God for, thank Him for saving you and loving you. Let His joy rise up in you to overflowing, surging through all you do to give you the strength to put one foot in front of the other and follow Christ in triumphal procession! All glory be to God, our joy and our strength!
Nehemiah 8:10
I am amazingly blessed! Yesterday was a wonderful day of celebration with some of my favorite people. It was a time of rejoicing with the women who have been praying me through these last 10 months. I was honored to be able to share with them the victory that they helped me to reach in Christ!
As a result of the excitement yesterday, I am facing the days ahead with renewed awe at God's faithfulness and provision. I am also reminded just how much I can't do on my own. Alone, I don't have what it takes to get out of bed somedays. Alone, I am not able to stop the tears and praise my King. Alone, I have no desire to be engaged with society. Alone, I cannot overcome my anxiety or depression.
But the joy of the Lord in me gives me an unlimited source of strength from which to draw in order to face the difficulties that come my way. Even on days when I am at my worst, nothing can take away my joy. I don't have to be happy to be joyful. I don't have to be free of battle to rejoice in the victory. I have a joy in my heart that cannot be taken away. It is the joy of my salvation and the source of my strength. God in me makes me able to rejoice!
Praise the Lord that in my weakness, He is strong! When I feel like there isn't anything to be thankful for, all I have to do is ask God to "return to me the joy of my salvation" and all is as He designed it to be!
Draw your strength, my friends, from the joy that is yours in your salvation. If you have nothing else in the whole world to thank God for, thank Him for saving you and loving you. Let His joy rise up in you to overflowing, surging through all you do to give you the strength to put one foot in front of the other and follow Christ in triumphal procession! All glory be to God, our joy and our strength!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Run that Race!
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Hebrews 12:1
Mom and I ran our second 5K yesterday. It was extremely hot and very humid. In the first 5 minutes, Mom got these horrible cramps in her shins. I could look down at her legs and see what looked like two rocks sticking up just beneath her knees where her muscles were spasming. But she pushed through the pain and was able to share Jesus-love with each of the volunteers we passed along the way. She pushed herself until the intense pain in her legs settled into a dull ache and then, finally, were no longer bothersome. She finished with her head held high and a song of praise on her lips! I am so proud of her determination, even when it was obvious that she was in pain and struggling.
Many times in our Christian walks, we experience pain and trials. Our first reaction is to quit. It just hurts too much. It's just too hard. But the writer of Hebrews offers us encouragement to take with us when the race becomes too difficult and we feel like giving up. Chapter 11 of Hebrews is sometimes referred to as the Hall of Faith. In it, the writer reminds us of men and women who have faced trials before us and were able to persevere because of the Lord. These are the people that are being described as a great cloud of witnesses. These men and women of great faith are our heavenly cheerleaders.
"Go, Casey, Go!"
"You can do it! Trust in Jesus! He gave me a child in my old age."
"God is faithful! He sent the rains and my boat no longer seemed silly."
"It's not impossible...God is with you! We crossed the Red Sea on dry land."
I can only imagine the shouts and cheers that are ringing through heaven as we battle the enemy and walk away victorious in the name of Jesus! Knowing that we have a cheering section can make it easier to push through when things become too much to bear. Sin is always lurking, tempting, waiting to entangle us. But we can shake that off. We must shake that off - so we can run the race that God has placed before us. We must decide in our heads to finish. We must be determined to push through what pain we face. If we do this, it will become easier and easier to think, not about the pain, but about the wonderful opportunity the trial has given us to share the love of Jesus with people who are witnessing our struggles.
I draw great encouragement from the words of Paul - "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)
Forget the battles you've already faced. Reach for the glory that is ahead. Run the race so that, when you cross the finish line into heaven, you do it with a song of praise on your lips!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Great is His Faithfulness!
"For you, God, tested us;
You refined us as silver is refined.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us out to abundance.
Come and listen, all who fear God,
and I will tell what He has done for me."
-Psalm 66:10, 12, 16
I have truly walked through the fire in these last months. I thought this past winter was filled with the darkest of my days. But this spring has been an even mightier struggle. And I am shouting with joy to be able to say to you that I have been brought "out to abundance!" Our God is truly mighty to save!
I am very excited to share with you that I saw my counselor for the last time yesterday! God is amazingly faithful, and He has proven that to me once again. I thought that I would walk out of Julia's office feeling fear and doubt and panic at the thought of facing this journey "on my own." Instead, I left with a smile on my face, a song of praise in my heart, and complete confidence in my soul that I have been prepared for this step of faith! I am not walking alone. I am walking in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. Footsteps that He has left as He walks before me on this road. There is not a step that I take that He has not already walked. There is not a place where I can run that is hidden from Him. And He has blessed me with the most amazing group of people who are praying for me and with me and offering words of encouragement and support. Praise the Lord!
I have spent the last 24 hours rejoicing with anyone and everyone. Some have suggested that I have been "healed." And maybe I have been. I don't really know how to put a label on what happened in my heart yesterday. But I do know that, through all of this, my faith has been restored. Actually, it has been more than restored. My faith had been completely shattered by the lies of the enemy. And our precious Savior has lovingly and painstakingly pieced it back together into a much stronger and more beautiful kind of faith.
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."
2 Timothy 2:13
I am praising God for His unwavering faithfulness to me. He has proven to me that His grace is sufficient for me...for everything that I can ever need or want. It can all be wrapped up and satisfied completely in His grace!
Tonight, I am celebrating Christ's victory in this valley! Watch out for the "triumphal procession" because I'm gonna' be shoutin' and dancin'!!
You refined us as silver is refined.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us out to abundance.
Come and listen, all who fear God,
and I will tell what He has done for me."
-Psalm 66:10, 12, 16
I have truly walked through the fire in these last months. I thought this past winter was filled with the darkest of my days. But this spring has been an even mightier struggle. And I am shouting with joy to be able to say to you that I have been brought "out to abundance!" Our God is truly mighty to save!
I am very excited to share with you that I saw my counselor for the last time yesterday! God is amazingly faithful, and He has proven that to me once again. I thought that I would walk out of Julia's office feeling fear and doubt and panic at the thought of facing this journey "on my own." Instead, I left with a smile on my face, a song of praise in my heart, and complete confidence in my soul that I have been prepared for this step of faith! I am not walking alone. I am walking in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. Footsteps that He has left as He walks before me on this road. There is not a step that I take that He has not already walked. There is not a place where I can run that is hidden from Him. And He has blessed me with the most amazing group of people who are praying for me and with me and offering words of encouragement and support. Praise the Lord!
I have spent the last 24 hours rejoicing with anyone and everyone. Some have suggested that I have been "healed." And maybe I have been. I don't really know how to put a label on what happened in my heart yesterday. But I do know that, through all of this, my faith has been restored. Actually, it has been more than restored. My faith had been completely shattered by the lies of the enemy. And our precious Savior has lovingly and painstakingly pieced it back together into a much stronger and more beautiful kind of faith.
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."
2 Timothy 2:13
I am praising God for His unwavering faithfulness to me. He has proven to me that His grace is sufficient for me...for everything that I can ever need or want. It can all be wrapped up and satisfied completely in His grace!
Tonight, I am celebrating Christ's victory in this valley! Watch out for the "triumphal procession" because I'm gonna' be shoutin' and dancin'!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
To My Friends
In the past few days, I have been in much prayer and feel convicted of the Lord. I have jumped ahead of His timing with posting this blog. He has called me to a time of "rest" and I have been disobedient. I will not be posting anything new for a while. I am going to take as much time as He deems appropriate. Until that time, I am going to spend more time listening to Him rather than doing for Him. I appreciate all of your encouragement and positive feedback about the things that I have shared. And I know that you will all understand my desire to be obedient to God and His will for my life.
Thank you for the opportunity to share my heart, my struggles, my journey with you. I will begin sharing again once my season of rest is over.
Love to all,
Casey
Thank you for the opportunity to share my heart, my struggles, my journey with you. I will begin sharing again once my season of rest is over.
Love to all,
Casey
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Lavished....
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Ephesians 1:7,8
Don't you just love the sound of the Bible when you read it aloud? I love the rich language and colorful descriptions that we can find hidden in it's pages. It makes the words of Truth come alive to me....to seem almost tangible - like I could reach out and touch this word lavished.
I was interested in what this word lavished means. Wow! The words that I found made the above verses of Scripture just DANCE!
To Lavish means to pamper, to shower, be generous, to deluge, to heap.
To Deluge means to douse, to drench, to submerge, to abound, to engulf.
To Heap means to amass, accumulate.
1 John 3:1 describes God as lavishing His love on us, calling us His children. Now think about it like this. God heaps His love on us. God drenches us with His love. God engulfs with His love. His love piles up on us. His love amasses, accumulates. Wow! What a beautiful image of the love that God has for us - His sons and daughters! God lavishes upon us this amazing love - love that allows us to be called His children!
Ephesians 1:8 describes God as lavishing us with all the riches of His grace. God's grace abounds. We can be engulfed, wrapped up in, God's grace. God's grace completely covers us....we are submerged under His grace! God showers us with His grace. God lavishes us with His grace.
Wow! Don't you just love these images?! I know that they help me to more fully understand what it means to have God's love and God's grace lavished upon me. It's a big deal! And I am so thankful to be called His daughter and to receive the honor of being drenched, doused, engulfed, showered, deluged, submerged in the beauty of His grace and love!
May God lavish you with His grace and love!
1 John 3:1
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Ephesians 1:7,8
Don't you just love the sound of the Bible when you read it aloud? I love the rich language and colorful descriptions that we can find hidden in it's pages. It makes the words of Truth come alive to me....to seem almost tangible - like I could reach out and touch this word lavished.
I was interested in what this word lavished means. Wow! The words that I found made the above verses of Scripture just DANCE!
To Lavish means to pamper, to shower, be generous, to deluge, to heap.
To Deluge means to douse, to drench, to submerge, to abound, to engulf.
To Heap means to amass, accumulate.
1 John 3:1 describes God as lavishing His love on us, calling us His children. Now think about it like this. God heaps His love on us. God drenches us with His love. God engulfs with His love. His love piles up on us. His love amasses, accumulates. Wow! What a beautiful image of the love that God has for us - His sons and daughters! God lavishes upon us this amazing love - love that allows us to be called His children!
Ephesians 1:8 describes God as lavishing us with all the riches of His grace. God's grace abounds. We can be engulfed, wrapped up in, God's grace. God's grace completely covers us....we are submerged under His grace! God showers us with His grace. God lavishes us with His grace.
Wow! Don't you just love these images?! I know that they help me to more fully understand what it means to have God's love and God's grace lavished upon me. It's a big deal! And I am so thankful to be called His daughter and to receive the honor of being drenched, doused, engulfed, showered, deluged, submerged in the beauty of His grace and love!
May God lavish you with His grace and love!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Ain't No Rock
"Ain't no rock
gonna cry in my place.
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify His holy Name!
Well, well, well -
Praise His Holy Name!
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify is His holy Name."
James Ward, "Ain't No Rock"
It seems like a thousand years ago now, but my youth group and I used to go to this retreat every January in Gatlinburg called "Resurrection." It was a time of fun and laughs, but also a time for growing closer to the Lord. The Worship Leader each year for as long as I can remember was James Ward. I always enjoyed his music. It was praise and worship with a little oomph! (Don't make fun of me....but for the longest time, I thought he was James Taylor. They do sort of look alike!)
Anyway, he used to sing this song, "Ain't No Rock," which has several more verses than the ones above. But I didn't understand just what this song was really about until many years later.
In Luke 19, the Pharisees got very angry with Jesus. They told Him to scold His disciples for praising Jesus for everything that they had seen Him do. Jesus replies to the Pharisees. "I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." (Luke 19:40)
What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that? Rocks don't have mouths. Stones don't have voices. How is it possible for rocks to cry out?
Rocks and stones and you and I are all a part of God's great creation. You and I were created to praise God. We were given the mouths and the voices. Jesus was telling the Pharisees then and us today, that if you and I don't do what we were created to do, another of God's creation will step in and take our places. I don't know about you....but I don't want Jesus to be listening for the praising and worshipping of Casey and hear rocks instead. I pray that I might be like the prophet Jeremiah who said these words:
But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
Jeremiah 20:9
I pray that the Word of God becomes such a fire in my soul that I can't help but shout out in praise to Him. I pray that rocks never have to cry out in my place. I pray that rocks never sing the praises you and I were meant to sing to our Saviour. It is my deepest desire that, when Jesus listens to the saints singing and worshipping Him, he hears each of our voices and is pleased.
Praise Him! Praise God today! Turn up the praise music! Do a Jesus-jig! Shout! Sing! Dance! Don't let those rocks steal the privilege we have of honoring the Most High King with our voices!
gonna cry in my place.
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify His holy Name!
Well, well, well -
Praise His Holy Name!
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify is His holy Name."
James Ward, "Ain't No Rock"
It seems like a thousand years ago now, but my youth group and I used to go to this retreat every January in Gatlinburg called "Resurrection." It was a time of fun and laughs, but also a time for growing closer to the Lord. The Worship Leader each year for as long as I can remember was James Ward. I always enjoyed his music. It was praise and worship with a little oomph! (Don't make fun of me....but for the longest time, I thought he was James Taylor. They do sort of look alike!)
Anyway, he used to sing this song, "Ain't No Rock," which has several more verses than the ones above. But I didn't understand just what this song was really about until many years later.
In Luke 19, the Pharisees got very angry with Jesus. They told Him to scold His disciples for praising Jesus for everything that they had seen Him do. Jesus replies to the Pharisees. "I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." (Luke 19:40)
What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that? Rocks don't have mouths. Stones don't have voices. How is it possible for rocks to cry out?
Rocks and stones and you and I are all a part of God's great creation. You and I were created to praise God. We were given the mouths and the voices. Jesus was telling the Pharisees then and us today, that if you and I don't do what we were created to do, another of God's creation will step in and take our places. I don't know about you....but I don't want Jesus to be listening for the praising and worshipping of Casey and hear rocks instead. I pray that I might be like the prophet Jeremiah who said these words:
But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
Jeremiah 20:9
I pray that the Word of God becomes such a fire in my soul that I can't help but shout out in praise to Him. I pray that rocks never have to cry out in my place. I pray that rocks never sing the praises you and I were meant to sing to our Saviour. It is my deepest desire that, when Jesus listens to the saints singing and worshipping Him, he hears each of our voices and is pleased.
Praise Him! Praise God today! Turn up the praise music! Do a Jesus-jig! Shout! Sing! Dance! Don't let those rocks steal the privilege we have of honoring the Most High King with our voices!
Friday, March 5, 2010
In Over My Head
Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
Psalm 69:1-3
Do you ever feel like you're in over your head in life? I know that I feel this way often. Like I'm not going to be able to take another step, another breath. I feel completely inadequate as a wife, a mother, a child of God.
One night, these emotions overwhelmed to the point where I really couldn't breathe. I was having a string of panic attacks and was all alone. I was gasping for air, sobbing, pacing the floor, not knowing what to do.
Then, I felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit and opened my Bible. I didn't know where to go, what to read, where to start, what to pray. God led me to the verses above, and the Holy Spirit prayed for me - He interceded on my behalf. I didn't know how to begin my prayer to God. But the prayer was provided for me. And these words of David came directly from my heart. I did feel like I was drowning. I was exhausted. My throat was dry from so much crying. My eyes were so puffy that I could barely see the floor that I was pacing.
Even at my lowest point, God provided. He provided the words when I couldn't form them. He shared my heart and my hurt with me. I wasn't alone.
Not long after my heart cried this prayer of anguish, I turned to Psalm 18:16 and received the encouragement, the promise that I needed to face my battle. "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters." God used these words to assure me that He was in control. He never leaves His children alone, no matter how we feel. It's not about our feelings; it's about the Truth!
The truth is that God is faithful and constant and omnipresent. He will draw us out of deep waters....when the time is right. And in the meantime, "God has heard all of [our] prayers. He has treasured and stored up everyone of [our] tears." (Psalm 56:8)
I pray that you can draw comfort from knowing that God is not a distant, aloof Creator, but a close, loving Father who sees every tear that falls from our eyes. Who hears everyone of our cries for help and everyone of our prayers for deliverance. He is there, waiting for the perfect moment to show up and show off!
The waiting is no fun, but I LOVE it when God shows off!
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
Psalm 69:1-3
Do you ever feel like you're in over your head in life? I know that I feel this way often. Like I'm not going to be able to take another step, another breath. I feel completely inadequate as a wife, a mother, a child of God.
One night, these emotions overwhelmed to the point where I really couldn't breathe. I was having a string of panic attacks and was all alone. I was gasping for air, sobbing, pacing the floor, not knowing what to do.
Then, I felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit and opened my Bible. I didn't know where to go, what to read, where to start, what to pray. God led me to the verses above, and the Holy Spirit prayed for me - He interceded on my behalf. I didn't know how to begin my prayer to God. But the prayer was provided for me. And these words of David came directly from my heart. I did feel like I was drowning. I was exhausted. My throat was dry from so much crying. My eyes were so puffy that I could barely see the floor that I was pacing.
Even at my lowest point, God provided. He provided the words when I couldn't form them. He shared my heart and my hurt with me. I wasn't alone.
Not long after my heart cried this prayer of anguish, I turned to Psalm 18:16 and received the encouragement, the promise that I needed to face my battle. "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters." God used these words to assure me that He was in control. He never leaves His children alone, no matter how we feel. It's not about our feelings; it's about the Truth!
The truth is that God is faithful and constant and omnipresent. He will draw us out of deep waters....when the time is right. And in the meantime, "God has heard all of [our] prayers. He has treasured and stored up everyone of [our] tears." (Psalm 56:8)
I pray that you can draw comfort from knowing that God is not a distant, aloof Creator, but a close, loving Father who sees every tear that falls from our eyes. Who hears everyone of our cries for help and everyone of our prayers for deliverance. He is there, waiting for the perfect moment to show up and show off!
The waiting is no fun, but I LOVE it when God shows off!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Just Let Go!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5,6
(Disclaimer: This post is more a stream of consciousness thing than anything else. I am in awe of God's sovereignty today and want desperately for you to see how AMAZING our God is! So, my apologies if this rambles or does not make sense. It is coming straight from my heart.)
As soon as I began praying this on Thursday, my depression set in with a fury. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was crying without cause or reason. I lost all interest in living. I stopped eating - my apetite was just gone. Satan had renewed his attacks on me with a vengeance! He had gotten scared! Unfortunately, so had I. Fear set in. All those old lies came to the surface. The temptations were overwhelming. I felt myself shut down, close myself off from the rest of the world, put on my mask when needed, and be what everyone expected me to be. At least that way nobody would have to know that I was afraid.
On Sunday, I made plans to meet with two very special women on Monday - one for lunch, one in the evening. I was already freaking out on the inside. This was me stepping WAY outside of my comfort zone. But underneath the panic, was peace. I was listening for God and being obedient.
Both of these ladies blessed my socks off and have agreed to walk with me on this journey in very different but very important ways. I had no idea how quickly God would answer this prayer. (He tends to take His time with me - in my opinion.) I also had no idea how soon my trust in God would be put to the test. Last night, my therapist and I came to the agreement that I would "take off the training wheels" and try things out on my own for a WHOLE MONTH! I have been staying so frustrated and depressed that all I see if failure. This break will give me a chance to see myself making progress. It sounds good to say it. It makes sense to hear it. It scares the bejeebies out of me to walk it out. But....I have chosen to "lean not on my own understanding" and to trust.
Today, God is telling me, "Just let go. I've got you. You're going to be fine. You're not going to go anywhere that I haven't already ordained." Just one snag in that pep talk - my Joe has had the stomach bug since last night. Those lonely hours in the middle of the night. The laundry. Trying to keep the germs from infecting all of us. Seeing my baby hurting. It was all too much - PANIC ATTACK (or several)!
BUT GOD is faithful!
I woke up this morning to the most amazing display of God's love that I have experienced in a long time. I was receiving texts, facebook posts, emails all offering encouragement, prayers, support. One precious sister even offered to come and sit with my sick little boy so that I could go to the gym and get my workout in. Such thoughtfulness! I have not felt such love before, because it came, not just from my best friend or the people I would expect to hear from, but from the body of Christ.
I am still very anxious about not seeing my therapist for a month. But, boy, am I excited to see the body of Christ at work in my life for the next month! Wow! I have someone who has agreed to be my Aaron and someone to be my Hur. I have sisters who don't even know me praying for me, standing in the gap while my "Aaron" and my "Hur" are both out of town. I have someone who has agreed to be my mentor, to walk closely with me on this journey. I have so much love coming at me! I had been depending on my therapist to be the entire body of Christ for me, because it is so very difficult for me to be weak and vulnerable. (See previous post.) But by asking God to show me, then taking the time to listen for His response, and then being obedient - He has reminded me yet again of His faithfulness and has demonstrated it to me in the most powerful way!
"Just let go, Casey."
"But God, I'll fall. I'll fail. I'll never make it."
"Just let go, Casey."
And I did. And you know what? I didn't fall - my sisters in Christ caught me with His arms. And you know what else? I may still fail. But Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you." It may seem like I will never make it. But I've got a "great cloud of witnesses" cheering me on!
And so do you. Just let go, my friends, and see the power of God!!
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5,6
(Disclaimer: This post is more a stream of consciousness thing than anything else. I am in awe of God's sovereignty today and want desperately for you to see how AMAZING our God is! So, my apologies if this rambles or does not make sense. It is coming straight from my heart.)
God is faithful. Why do we ever doubt it? Why do I ever doubt it? God has always shown up right on time in the most perfect way. And yet, I doubt.
God has been telling me for several weeks that I needed to open myself up to the body of Christ and trust His provision. Last Thursday morning at Bible Study, He used a precious sister to show me the importance of having the counsel of older, wiser godly women. Up until this time, the only women older than myself that I looked to for guidance were my mom and my therapist. I trust both of them implicitly, but Mom is my mom and my therapist is my therapist. What I need are women to trust, to ask for guidance, to pray with, to speak Truth into my life. So I made plans with a sweet sister to get together sometime during the coming week.
And I began to pray. "God show me what to do. Open doors for me where they need to be. Close the doors that I am not supposed to walk through. Give me discernment to know what to share, how much to share, and with whom to share it. Bring the right women into my life."As soon as I began praying this on Thursday, my depression set in with a fury. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was crying without cause or reason. I lost all interest in living. I stopped eating - my apetite was just gone. Satan had renewed his attacks on me with a vengeance! He had gotten scared! Unfortunately, so had I. Fear set in. All those old lies came to the surface. The temptations were overwhelming. I felt myself shut down, close myself off from the rest of the world, put on my mask when needed, and be what everyone expected me to be. At least that way nobody would have to know that I was afraid.
On Sunday, I made plans to meet with two very special women on Monday - one for lunch, one in the evening. I was already freaking out on the inside. This was me stepping WAY outside of my comfort zone. But underneath the panic, was peace. I was listening for God and being obedient.
Both of these ladies blessed my socks off and have agreed to walk with me on this journey in very different but very important ways. I had no idea how quickly God would answer this prayer. (He tends to take His time with me - in my opinion.) I also had no idea how soon my trust in God would be put to the test. Last night, my therapist and I came to the agreement that I would "take off the training wheels" and try things out on my own for a WHOLE MONTH! I have been staying so frustrated and depressed that all I see if failure. This break will give me a chance to see myself making progress. It sounds good to say it. It makes sense to hear it. It scares the bejeebies out of me to walk it out. But....I have chosen to "lean not on my own understanding" and to trust.
Today, God is telling me, "Just let go. I've got you. You're going to be fine. You're not going to go anywhere that I haven't already ordained." Just one snag in that pep talk - my Joe has had the stomach bug since last night. Those lonely hours in the middle of the night. The laundry. Trying to keep the germs from infecting all of us. Seeing my baby hurting. It was all too much - PANIC ATTACK (or several)!
BUT GOD is faithful!
I woke up this morning to the most amazing display of God's love that I have experienced in a long time. I was receiving texts, facebook posts, emails all offering encouragement, prayers, support. One precious sister even offered to come and sit with my sick little boy so that I could go to the gym and get my workout in. Such thoughtfulness! I have not felt such love before, because it came, not just from my best friend or the people I would expect to hear from, but from the body of Christ.
I am still very anxious about not seeing my therapist for a month. But, boy, am I excited to see the body of Christ at work in my life for the next month! Wow! I have someone who has agreed to be my Aaron and someone to be my Hur. I have sisters who don't even know me praying for me, standing in the gap while my "Aaron" and my "Hur" are both out of town. I have someone who has agreed to be my mentor, to walk closely with me on this journey. I have so much love coming at me! I had been depending on my therapist to be the entire body of Christ for me, because it is so very difficult for me to be weak and vulnerable. (See previous post.) But by asking God to show me, then taking the time to listen for His response, and then being obedient - He has reminded me yet again of His faithfulness and has demonstrated it to me in the most powerful way!
"Just let go, Casey."
"But God, I'll fall. I'll fail. I'll never make it."
"Just let go, Casey."
And I did. And you know what? I didn't fall - my sisters in Christ caught me with His arms. And you know what else? I may still fail. But Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you." It may seem like I will never make it. But I've got a "great cloud of witnesses" cheering me on!
And so do you. Just let go, my friends, and see the power of God!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Rest for the Weary
For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel:
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”
Isaiah 30:15
I don't know about you, but I'm a doer, a fixer, a problem-solver. I like to make the plan, know the plan, follow the plan. And I get all out of sorts when any part of the plan does not work out.
No plan - Are you crazy?! You need to make one.....NOW!
Change the plan - Have you lost your mind?! What's wrong with the plan? It's working just fine....LEAVE IT ALONE!
There's just one problem with this problem that I have....God doesn't always let us in on His plan. Isaiah says that in returning to God and resting in Him we "shall be saved." Resting is a difficult thing to do for a doer, a fixer, a problem-solver. But that is just what God has called me to do in this season of my life. He has a plan for me, for my future. Jeremiah 29:11 assures me of that. But God has not revealed to me His plan. And that is driving me crazy! I want to know what he has in store for me! I want to know what this valley has been training me for! I want to know!!
But God is saying to my restless spirit, "Rest, My daughter. Rest in this season. Renew your strength in this "quietness." Soak up all you can from the Word and from the godly people in your life. Rest, knowing that I'm the doer right now. I'm the fixer. I'm the problem-solver. And, when the time is right, I'll let you in on My plan for you."
Wow - that's hard to even type. But I know that it's true. I have been through the valley, in the battle, on the frontlines for months. Then God broke me and showed me that I needed to return to Him. I pray that you have experienced the joy of returning to Him. And I pray that you will listen to the words of Isaiah and draw strength from being quiet with the Lord. These are all things He is teaching me right now. And, I have to admit to you, I'm a stubborn student! But now He is teaching me the importance of resting, and I think I'm starting to understand. It feels good to be wrapped up in the Father's arms, knowing that He's got everything under control. It feels good to let myself take a break from the harried life that I live and just find myself resting.
Resting in His arms - which are always waiting to hold me.
Resting in His peace - which surpasses all my understanding.
Resting in His promises - which He is faithful to fulfill.
Listening.
Learning.
Preparing.
For what? I don't know that yet. But I do know one thing - When He says, "It's time to go," I'm going to make sure that I am rested up and ready to go!
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”
Isaiah 30:15
I don't know about you, but I'm a doer, a fixer, a problem-solver. I like to make the plan, know the plan, follow the plan. And I get all out of sorts when any part of the plan does not work out.
No plan - Are you crazy?! You need to make one.....NOW!
Change the plan - Have you lost your mind?! What's wrong with the plan? It's working just fine....LEAVE IT ALONE!
There's just one problem with this problem that I have....God doesn't always let us in on His plan. Isaiah says that in returning to God and resting in Him we "shall be saved." Resting is a difficult thing to do for a doer, a fixer, a problem-solver. But that is just what God has called me to do in this season of my life. He has a plan for me, for my future. Jeremiah 29:11 assures me of that. But God has not revealed to me His plan. And that is driving me crazy! I want to know what he has in store for me! I want to know what this valley has been training me for! I want to know!!
But God is saying to my restless spirit, "Rest, My daughter. Rest in this season. Renew your strength in this "quietness." Soak up all you can from the Word and from the godly people in your life. Rest, knowing that I'm the doer right now. I'm the fixer. I'm the problem-solver. And, when the time is right, I'll let you in on My plan for you."
Wow - that's hard to even type. But I know that it's true. I have been through the valley, in the battle, on the frontlines for months. Then God broke me and showed me that I needed to return to Him. I pray that you have experienced the joy of returning to Him. And I pray that you will listen to the words of Isaiah and draw strength from being quiet with the Lord. These are all things He is teaching me right now. And, I have to admit to you, I'm a stubborn student! But now He is teaching me the importance of resting, and I think I'm starting to understand. It feels good to be wrapped up in the Father's arms, knowing that He's got everything under control. It feels good to let myself take a break from the harried life that I live and just find myself resting.
Resting in His arms - which are always waiting to hold me.
Resting in His peace - which surpasses all my understanding.
Resting in His promises - which He is faithful to fulfill.
Listening.
Learning.
Preparing.
For what? I don't know that yet. But I do know one thing - When He says, "It's time to go," I'm going to make sure that I am rested up and ready to go!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Returning to Your First Love
For thus says the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel:
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”
Isaiah 30:15
Being in the valley is no fun. In fact, it can be down right miserable and lonely. I know it has been for me. I can remember one particular night just pacing the floor, crying out to God, my body wracked with sobs. In my mind, a battle was raging between good and evil. I found myself wishing I could just pick up a gun and shoot the devil or brandish a sword and lop off one of his arms. My brothers and sisters in Christ - we have that power! God has given us a gun, a sword. Ephesians calls it the Sword of the Spirit. It is the Word of God! That is our weapon against the evil one. And if we want to win the battle for our minds, we need to be filling our minds up with the Word of God! It's what Jesus used when He was tempted in the desert. It's what we must do!
Isaiah says that we will be delivered by "returning and resting." I pray that you are intimately spending time with the Lord daily. But if you are not, return to Him! He desires to commune with you. To hear your hurts, your fears, your praises, your thanks. Return to the Lord! Feel the power that being a child of the King can bring to your weary soul!
God tried desperately to get my attention for months, seeking my return to His waiting arms. But pride stood in my way. I thought I was handling everything just fine on my own. We all know how well that works out. And eventually, God had to break me to get my attention. I am now seeking after Him in a way that I haven't in years....maybe ever. The path to "returning" was not easy. Being broken was horrible and humbling. But the benefits are immeasurable! I have this thirst for the Word that I just can't satisfy! And that is my prayer for you. Return to the Lord. Let Him hold you and fill you up to the measure of all fullness!
I pray that Jesus never looks at me again and says, "You have forsaken your first love." (Rev. 2:4)
Have you forgotten what it feels like to be madly in love with your Saviour? I think we can all benefit from praying these words of David:"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
Psalm 51:10-12
Return to the Lord, my friends! Remember the joy of when you first believed!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Ain't Nobody Gonna' Steal My Joy!
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
I don't know about you, but my past is full of moments I would really like to forget. They are times of pain, shame, guilt, secrets. And the devil would like nothing more than to keep these memories at the forefront of my mind. The enemy comes only to "steal, kill, and destroy." And my friend, he has tried to steal my joy, kill my hope, and destroy my calling. He brings them to my mind when I least expect them. And often times, it leaves me feeling defeated and useless to the Kingdom. How in the world could God use someone with the past that I have, with the struggles that I have faced, with the secrets I have kept, to do anything that would bring Him glory? That is the lie that the enemy would have me to believe. And, ashamedly, I have to admit that I let him beat me down far too often. I become convinced that Satan is right. That I have no earthly value. That my life will never produce any fruit. That God will never be able to use me.
But then.......
There's this "still, small voice" telling me, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
You and I have been called to live an abundant life for Christ! God is crying out to us - Forget all those horrible things of your past - I have! Don't be consumed by them! Can't you see it?! Don't you see it?! I am doing something new!! And I'm going to use you to do it!
Praise God that our story doesn't end with our past! Praise Him that He is faithful to forgive! Praise God that the VICTORY is ours in Christ Jesus!
I don't know about you, but I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT NEW THING GOD HAS PLANNED FOR ME!
And in the mean time....Ain't Nobody Gonna' Steal My Joy!
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
I don't know about you, but my past is full of moments I would really like to forget. They are times of pain, shame, guilt, secrets. And the devil would like nothing more than to keep these memories at the forefront of my mind. The enemy comes only to "steal, kill, and destroy." And my friend, he has tried to steal my joy, kill my hope, and destroy my calling. He brings them to my mind when I least expect them. And often times, it leaves me feeling defeated and useless to the Kingdom. How in the world could God use someone with the past that I have, with the struggles that I have faced, with the secrets I have kept, to do anything that would bring Him glory? That is the lie that the enemy would have me to believe. And, ashamedly, I have to admit that I let him beat me down far too often. I become convinced that Satan is right. That I have no earthly value. That my life will never produce any fruit. That God will never be able to use me.
But then.......
There's this "still, small voice" telling me, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
You and I have been called to live an abundant life for Christ! God is crying out to us - Forget all those horrible things of your past - I have! Don't be consumed by them! Can't you see it?! Don't you see it?! I am doing something new!! And I'm going to use you to do it!
Praise God that our story doesn't end with our past! Praise Him that He is faithful to forgive! Praise God that the VICTORY is ours in Christ Jesus!
I don't know about you, but I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT NEW THING GOD HAS PLANNED FOR ME!
And in the mean time....Ain't Nobody Gonna' Steal My Joy!
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