Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and joy may end in grief.
Proverbs 14:13
One of the most difficult things I have had to learn in this valley was to be vulnerable and weak. I have always hated to think that I may have caused anyone any trouble. So admitting to others that I was struggling was very hard for me to do. Opening myself up, being honest about my depression, letting people see my tears - all of this was completely outside of my comfort zone. But I have learned that trusting and following Christ with complete abandon has never involved my comfort zone!
As God started to pull everything together and prepare me for my next big step of faith, I began to really grapple with reconciling being vulnerable about the conflict still raging inside of me and walking in victory no matter the cost. As I wrote in "Step One," I knew that I was to be obedient. But I was so worried about looking to others like a hypocrite.
How can I be rejoicing in the Lord and still claim to be a wreck on the inside?
What if people think I am faking one emotion or the other just to get some attention or pity?
God quickly and gently led me to the verse above. It doesn't matter what other people think as long as I know that I am being obedient to what God has called me to do. And I know that God is calling me to praise Him in this valley. And my heart can still be aching when I am laughing. The valley is not generally a place of laughter and celebration....unless it is laughing in the Lord and celebrating my salvation. My heart still aches many days. What has changed? This is what has changed:
"When I think about the Lord,
how He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me up with the Holy Ghost,
how He healed me to the uttermost...
When I think about the Lord,
how He picked me up and turned me around
how He placed my feet on solid ground...
It makes me wanna' shout,
Hallelujah! Thank You, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy of all of the glory
and all of the honor and all of the praise."
God has not called us to be happy. God has not called us to follow Him down a path free of obstacles. He knows what lies ahead. And He goes before us, leveling the mountains we need not face and giving us the strength to climb the ones we must. God has gifted us with the most precious of gifts - His son. And that is enough to get my heart to laughing, regardless of the turmoil in my heart!
It is my prayer that you would be encouraged to know that God sees your tears. God hears your cries for help. God knows the pain in your heart. And He is urging you to praise Him in your storm. Trust that His plan is bigger. Know that His plan is better! And worship and honor Him even if your heart is aching!
(I would love to know how I can pray for you, my faithful blog readers. I sincerely believe that God has brought me to this point in the valley so that I might share my story to encourage other believers who find themselves trudging through the valley. Know that you are not alone and that victory is yours in Christ Jesus!)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
5 Steps to Victory - Step One
(God has shown me so much in the last year. I am still in awe of how differently I see Him today compared to this time last year. This has been the most difficult and dark time in my life. But I count it all good knowing that the trials I have faced served only to bring me into a more intimate relationship with my Father. I have spent so much time in prayer and in the Word, searching for answers. Trying desperately to walk in victory and most often coming up very short. Over the next little while, I would like to share with you God's answer to my prayers. This is not the beat-all, end-all answer to everyone's questions or problems. It is, however, God's answer to my prayers, and I pray that you may somehow be encouraged by the truth that He has spoken into my life!)
STEP ONE:
"Giving thanks when you don't feel like it is not hypocrisy, it is obedience."
-John G. Mitchell
I worry way too much about what people think. Thankfully, God is helping me to overcome this and walk in truth. In the last month, I have prayed that God would show me how to praise Him even when my heart feels only despair. I thought that rejoicing in the Lord would only make me out to be a hypocrite because of the pain that I was feeling inside. Then I came across the quote above and it was as though God spoke right into my heart. He wants me to be thankful in all situations.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Giving thanks no matter what the circumstances is what God wants me to do. He desires my praise even when I don't feel like praising Him. You see, it's not about what we feel; it's about what we know. I won't lie to you...it is very hard to walk in this knowing. Our feelings can be very strong and difficult to overcome. But we do not have to do the overcoming on our own. God will give us the strength and the wisdom to do these things if only we will trust Him.
What greater testimony to the provision and faithfulness of God than a believer who is walking in the valley and still lifting her face toward heaven, praising God and giving thanks! Is this easy to do? Absolutely not. But, in my weakness, He is strong! Praise God that I don't have to muster up the strength to thank Him. I only have to admit that I am weak and He will provide exactly what I need to honor and praise Him, even if it means ignoring the brokenness I feel inside. His grace is sufficient!
Whatever trials you may be facing today, it is my prayer that you step out in faith and offer to God a prayer of thanksgiving. He will not only be glorified in your praise but also in your obedience..."for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
STEP ONE:
"Giving thanks when you don't feel like it is not hypocrisy, it is obedience."
-John G. Mitchell
I worry way too much about what people think. Thankfully, God is helping me to overcome this and walk in truth. In the last month, I have prayed that God would show me how to praise Him even when my heart feels only despair. I thought that rejoicing in the Lord would only make me out to be a hypocrite because of the pain that I was feeling inside. Then I came across the quote above and it was as though God spoke right into my heart. He wants me to be thankful in all situations.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Giving thanks no matter what the circumstances is what God wants me to do. He desires my praise even when I don't feel like praising Him. You see, it's not about what we feel; it's about what we know. I won't lie to you...it is very hard to walk in this knowing. Our feelings can be very strong and difficult to overcome. But we do not have to do the overcoming on our own. God will give us the strength and the wisdom to do these things if only we will trust Him.
What greater testimony to the provision and faithfulness of God than a believer who is walking in the valley and still lifting her face toward heaven, praising God and giving thanks! Is this easy to do? Absolutely not. But, in my weakness, He is strong! Praise God that I don't have to muster up the strength to thank Him. I only have to admit that I am weak and He will provide exactly what I need to honor and praise Him, even if it means ignoring the brokenness I feel inside. His grace is sufficient!
Whatever trials you may be facing today, it is my prayer that you step out in faith and offer to God a prayer of thanksgiving. He will not only be glorified in your praise but also in your obedience..."for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Friday, June 25, 2010
I Can't Do It
"Then he said to them, "Go, eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."
Nehemiah 8:10
I am amazingly blessed! Yesterday was a wonderful day of celebration with some of my favorite people. It was a time of rejoicing with the women who have been praying me through these last 10 months. I was honored to be able to share with them the victory that they helped me to reach in Christ!
As a result of the excitement yesterday, I am facing the days ahead with renewed awe at God's faithfulness and provision. I am also reminded just how much I can't do on my own. Alone, I don't have what it takes to get out of bed somedays. Alone, I am not able to stop the tears and praise my King. Alone, I have no desire to be engaged with society. Alone, I cannot overcome my anxiety or depression.
But the joy of the Lord in me gives me an unlimited source of strength from which to draw in order to face the difficulties that come my way. Even on days when I am at my worst, nothing can take away my joy. I don't have to be happy to be joyful. I don't have to be free of battle to rejoice in the victory. I have a joy in my heart that cannot be taken away. It is the joy of my salvation and the source of my strength. God in me makes me able to rejoice!
Praise the Lord that in my weakness, He is strong! When I feel like there isn't anything to be thankful for, all I have to do is ask God to "return to me the joy of my salvation" and all is as He designed it to be!
Draw your strength, my friends, from the joy that is yours in your salvation. If you have nothing else in the whole world to thank God for, thank Him for saving you and loving you. Let His joy rise up in you to overflowing, surging through all you do to give you the strength to put one foot in front of the other and follow Christ in triumphal procession! All glory be to God, our joy and our strength!
Nehemiah 8:10
I am amazingly blessed! Yesterday was a wonderful day of celebration with some of my favorite people. It was a time of rejoicing with the women who have been praying me through these last 10 months. I was honored to be able to share with them the victory that they helped me to reach in Christ!
As a result of the excitement yesterday, I am facing the days ahead with renewed awe at God's faithfulness and provision. I am also reminded just how much I can't do on my own. Alone, I don't have what it takes to get out of bed somedays. Alone, I am not able to stop the tears and praise my King. Alone, I have no desire to be engaged with society. Alone, I cannot overcome my anxiety or depression.
But the joy of the Lord in me gives me an unlimited source of strength from which to draw in order to face the difficulties that come my way. Even on days when I am at my worst, nothing can take away my joy. I don't have to be happy to be joyful. I don't have to be free of battle to rejoice in the victory. I have a joy in my heart that cannot be taken away. It is the joy of my salvation and the source of my strength. God in me makes me able to rejoice!
Praise the Lord that in my weakness, He is strong! When I feel like there isn't anything to be thankful for, all I have to do is ask God to "return to me the joy of my salvation" and all is as He designed it to be!
Draw your strength, my friends, from the joy that is yours in your salvation. If you have nothing else in the whole world to thank God for, thank Him for saving you and loving you. Let His joy rise up in you to overflowing, surging through all you do to give you the strength to put one foot in front of the other and follow Christ in triumphal procession! All glory be to God, our joy and our strength!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Run that Race!
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Hebrews 12:1
Mom and I ran our second 5K yesterday. It was extremely hot and very humid. In the first 5 minutes, Mom got these horrible cramps in her shins. I could look down at her legs and see what looked like two rocks sticking up just beneath her knees where her muscles were spasming. But she pushed through the pain and was able to share Jesus-love with each of the volunteers we passed along the way. She pushed herself until the intense pain in her legs settled into a dull ache and then, finally, were no longer bothersome. She finished with her head held high and a song of praise on her lips! I am so proud of her determination, even when it was obvious that she was in pain and struggling.
Many times in our Christian walks, we experience pain and trials. Our first reaction is to quit. It just hurts too much. It's just too hard. But the writer of Hebrews offers us encouragement to take with us when the race becomes too difficult and we feel like giving up. Chapter 11 of Hebrews is sometimes referred to as the Hall of Faith. In it, the writer reminds us of men and women who have faced trials before us and were able to persevere because of the Lord. These are the people that are being described as a great cloud of witnesses. These men and women of great faith are our heavenly cheerleaders.
"Go, Casey, Go!"
"You can do it! Trust in Jesus! He gave me a child in my old age."
"God is faithful! He sent the rains and my boat no longer seemed silly."
"It's not impossible...God is with you! We crossed the Red Sea on dry land."
I can only imagine the shouts and cheers that are ringing through heaven as we battle the enemy and walk away victorious in the name of Jesus! Knowing that we have a cheering section can make it easier to push through when things become too much to bear. Sin is always lurking, tempting, waiting to entangle us. But we can shake that off. We must shake that off - so we can run the race that God has placed before us. We must decide in our heads to finish. We must be determined to push through what pain we face. If we do this, it will become easier and easier to think, not about the pain, but about the wonderful opportunity the trial has given us to share the love of Jesus with people who are witnessing our struggles.
I draw great encouragement from the words of Paul - "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14)
Forget the battles you've already faced. Reach for the glory that is ahead. Run the race so that, when you cross the finish line into heaven, you do it with a song of praise on your lips!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Great is His Faithfulness!
"For you, God, tested us;
You refined us as silver is refined.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us out to abundance.
Come and listen, all who fear God,
and I will tell what He has done for me."
-Psalm 66:10, 12, 16
I have truly walked through the fire in these last months. I thought this past winter was filled with the darkest of my days. But this spring has been an even mightier struggle. And I am shouting with joy to be able to say to you that I have been brought "out to abundance!" Our God is truly mighty to save!
I am very excited to share with you that I saw my counselor for the last time yesterday! God is amazingly faithful, and He has proven that to me once again. I thought that I would walk out of Julia's office feeling fear and doubt and panic at the thought of facing this journey "on my own." Instead, I left with a smile on my face, a song of praise in my heart, and complete confidence in my soul that I have been prepared for this step of faith! I am not walking alone. I am walking in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. Footsteps that He has left as He walks before me on this road. There is not a step that I take that He has not already walked. There is not a place where I can run that is hidden from Him. And He has blessed me with the most amazing group of people who are praying for me and with me and offering words of encouragement and support. Praise the Lord!
I have spent the last 24 hours rejoicing with anyone and everyone. Some have suggested that I have been "healed." And maybe I have been. I don't really know how to put a label on what happened in my heart yesterday. But I do know that, through all of this, my faith has been restored. Actually, it has been more than restored. My faith had been completely shattered by the lies of the enemy. And our precious Savior has lovingly and painstakingly pieced it back together into a much stronger and more beautiful kind of faith.
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."
2 Timothy 2:13
I am praising God for His unwavering faithfulness to me. He has proven to me that His grace is sufficient for me...for everything that I can ever need or want. It can all be wrapped up and satisfied completely in His grace!
Tonight, I am celebrating Christ's victory in this valley! Watch out for the "triumphal procession" because I'm gonna' be shoutin' and dancin'!!
You refined us as silver is refined.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us out to abundance.
Come and listen, all who fear God,
and I will tell what He has done for me."
-Psalm 66:10, 12, 16
I have truly walked through the fire in these last months. I thought this past winter was filled with the darkest of my days. But this spring has been an even mightier struggle. And I am shouting with joy to be able to say to you that I have been brought "out to abundance!" Our God is truly mighty to save!
I am very excited to share with you that I saw my counselor for the last time yesterday! God is amazingly faithful, and He has proven that to me once again. I thought that I would walk out of Julia's office feeling fear and doubt and panic at the thought of facing this journey "on my own." Instead, I left with a smile on my face, a song of praise in my heart, and complete confidence in my soul that I have been prepared for this step of faith! I am not walking alone. I am walking in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. Footsteps that He has left as He walks before me on this road. There is not a step that I take that He has not already walked. There is not a place where I can run that is hidden from Him. And He has blessed me with the most amazing group of people who are praying for me and with me and offering words of encouragement and support. Praise the Lord!
I have spent the last 24 hours rejoicing with anyone and everyone. Some have suggested that I have been "healed." And maybe I have been. I don't really know how to put a label on what happened in my heart yesterday. But I do know that, through all of this, my faith has been restored. Actually, it has been more than restored. My faith had been completely shattered by the lies of the enemy. And our precious Savior has lovingly and painstakingly pieced it back together into a much stronger and more beautiful kind of faith.
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."
2 Timothy 2:13
I am praising God for His unwavering faithfulness to me. He has proven to me that His grace is sufficient for me...for everything that I can ever need or want. It can all be wrapped up and satisfied completely in His grace!
Tonight, I am celebrating Christ's victory in this valley! Watch out for the "triumphal procession" because I'm gonna' be shoutin' and dancin'!!
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