In the past few days, I have been in much prayer and feel convicted of the Lord. I have jumped ahead of His timing with posting this blog. He has called me to a time of "rest" and I have been disobedient. I will not be posting anything new for a while. I am going to take as much time as He deems appropriate. Until that time, I am going to spend more time listening to Him rather than doing for Him. I appreciate all of your encouragement and positive feedback about the things that I have shared. And I know that you will all understand my desire to be obedient to God and His will for my life.
Thank you for the opportunity to share my heart, my struggles, my journey with you. I will begin sharing again once my season of rest is over.
Love to all,
Casey
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Lavished....
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Ephesians 1:7,8
Don't you just love the sound of the Bible when you read it aloud? I love the rich language and colorful descriptions that we can find hidden in it's pages. It makes the words of Truth come alive to me....to seem almost tangible - like I could reach out and touch this word lavished.
I was interested in what this word lavished means. Wow! The words that I found made the above verses of Scripture just DANCE!
To Lavish means to pamper, to shower, be generous, to deluge, to heap.
To Deluge means to douse, to drench, to submerge, to abound, to engulf.
To Heap means to amass, accumulate.
1 John 3:1 describes God as lavishing His love on us, calling us His children. Now think about it like this. God heaps His love on us. God drenches us with His love. God engulfs with His love. His love piles up on us. His love amasses, accumulates. Wow! What a beautiful image of the love that God has for us - His sons and daughters! God lavishes upon us this amazing love - love that allows us to be called His children!
Ephesians 1:8 describes God as lavishing us with all the riches of His grace. God's grace abounds. We can be engulfed, wrapped up in, God's grace. God's grace completely covers us....we are submerged under His grace! God showers us with His grace. God lavishes us with His grace.
Wow! Don't you just love these images?! I know that they help me to more fully understand what it means to have God's love and God's grace lavished upon me. It's a big deal! And I am so thankful to be called His daughter and to receive the honor of being drenched, doused, engulfed, showered, deluged, submerged in the beauty of His grace and love!
May God lavish you with His grace and love!
1 John 3:1
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Ephesians 1:7,8
Don't you just love the sound of the Bible when you read it aloud? I love the rich language and colorful descriptions that we can find hidden in it's pages. It makes the words of Truth come alive to me....to seem almost tangible - like I could reach out and touch this word lavished.
I was interested in what this word lavished means. Wow! The words that I found made the above verses of Scripture just DANCE!
To Lavish means to pamper, to shower, be generous, to deluge, to heap.
To Deluge means to douse, to drench, to submerge, to abound, to engulf.
To Heap means to amass, accumulate.
1 John 3:1 describes God as lavishing His love on us, calling us His children. Now think about it like this. God heaps His love on us. God drenches us with His love. God engulfs with His love. His love piles up on us. His love amasses, accumulates. Wow! What a beautiful image of the love that God has for us - His sons and daughters! God lavishes upon us this amazing love - love that allows us to be called His children!
Ephesians 1:8 describes God as lavishing us with all the riches of His grace. God's grace abounds. We can be engulfed, wrapped up in, God's grace. God's grace completely covers us....we are submerged under His grace! God showers us with His grace. God lavishes us with His grace.
Wow! Don't you just love these images?! I know that they help me to more fully understand what it means to have God's love and God's grace lavished upon me. It's a big deal! And I am so thankful to be called His daughter and to receive the honor of being drenched, doused, engulfed, showered, deluged, submerged in the beauty of His grace and love!
May God lavish you with His grace and love!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Ain't No Rock
"Ain't no rock
gonna cry in my place.
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify His holy Name!
Well, well, well -
Praise His Holy Name!
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify is His holy Name."
James Ward, "Ain't No Rock"
It seems like a thousand years ago now, but my youth group and I used to go to this retreat every January in Gatlinburg called "Resurrection." It was a time of fun and laughs, but also a time for growing closer to the Lord. The Worship Leader each year for as long as I can remember was James Ward. I always enjoyed his music. It was praise and worship with a little oomph! (Don't make fun of me....but for the longest time, I thought he was James Taylor. They do sort of look alike!)
Anyway, he used to sing this song, "Ain't No Rock," which has several more verses than the ones above. But I didn't understand just what this song was really about until many years later.
In Luke 19, the Pharisees got very angry with Jesus. They told Him to scold His disciples for praising Jesus for everything that they had seen Him do. Jesus replies to the Pharisees. "I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." (Luke 19:40)
What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that? Rocks don't have mouths. Stones don't have voices. How is it possible for rocks to cry out?
Rocks and stones and you and I are all a part of God's great creation. You and I were created to praise God. We were given the mouths and the voices. Jesus was telling the Pharisees then and us today, that if you and I don't do what we were created to do, another of God's creation will step in and take our places. I don't know about you....but I don't want Jesus to be listening for the praising and worshipping of Casey and hear rocks instead. I pray that I might be like the prophet Jeremiah who said these words:
But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
Jeremiah 20:9
I pray that the Word of God becomes such a fire in my soul that I can't help but shout out in praise to Him. I pray that rocks never have to cry out in my place. I pray that rocks never sing the praises you and I were meant to sing to our Saviour. It is my deepest desire that, when Jesus listens to the saints singing and worshipping Him, he hears each of our voices and is pleased.
Praise Him! Praise God today! Turn up the praise music! Do a Jesus-jig! Shout! Sing! Dance! Don't let those rocks steal the privilege we have of honoring the Most High King with our voices!
gonna cry in my place.
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify His holy Name!
Well, well, well -
Praise His Holy Name!
As long as I'm alive,
I'll glorify is His holy Name."
James Ward, "Ain't No Rock"
It seems like a thousand years ago now, but my youth group and I used to go to this retreat every January in Gatlinburg called "Resurrection." It was a time of fun and laughs, but also a time for growing closer to the Lord. The Worship Leader each year for as long as I can remember was James Ward. I always enjoyed his music. It was praise and worship with a little oomph! (Don't make fun of me....but for the longest time, I thought he was James Taylor. They do sort of look alike!)
Anyway, he used to sing this song, "Ain't No Rock," which has several more verses than the ones above. But I didn't understand just what this song was really about until many years later.
In Luke 19, the Pharisees got very angry with Jesus. They told Him to scold His disciples for praising Jesus for everything that they had seen Him do. Jesus replies to the Pharisees. "I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." (Luke 19:40)
What does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that? Rocks don't have mouths. Stones don't have voices. How is it possible for rocks to cry out?
Rocks and stones and you and I are all a part of God's great creation. You and I were created to praise God. We were given the mouths and the voices. Jesus was telling the Pharisees then and us today, that if you and I don't do what we were created to do, another of God's creation will step in and take our places. I don't know about you....but I don't want Jesus to be listening for the praising and worshipping of Casey and hear rocks instead. I pray that I might be like the prophet Jeremiah who said these words:
But if I say, "I will not mention him
or speak any more in his name,"
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot.
Jeremiah 20:9
I pray that the Word of God becomes such a fire in my soul that I can't help but shout out in praise to Him. I pray that rocks never have to cry out in my place. I pray that rocks never sing the praises you and I were meant to sing to our Saviour. It is my deepest desire that, when Jesus listens to the saints singing and worshipping Him, he hears each of our voices and is pleased.
Praise Him! Praise God today! Turn up the praise music! Do a Jesus-jig! Shout! Sing! Dance! Don't let those rocks steal the privilege we have of honoring the Most High King with our voices!
Friday, March 5, 2010
In Over My Head
Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
Psalm 69:1-3
Do you ever feel like you're in over your head in life? I know that I feel this way often. Like I'm not going to be able to take another step, another breath. I feel completely inadequate as a wife, a mother, a child of God.
One night, these emotions overwhelmed to the point where I really couldn't breathe. I was having a string of panic attacks and was all alone. I was gasping for air, sobbing, pacing the floor, not knowing what to do.
Then, I felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit and opened my Bible. I didn't know where to go, what to read, where to start, what to pray. God led me to the verses above, and the Holy Spirit prayed for me - He interceded on my behalf. I didn't know how to begin my prayer to God. But the prayer was provided for me. And these words of David came directly from my heart. I did feel like I was drowning. I was exhausted. My throat was dry from so much crying. My eyes were so puffy that I could barely see the floor that I was pacing.
Even at my lowest point, God provided. He provided the words when I couldn't form them. He shared my heart and my hurt with me. I wasn't alone.
Not long after my heart cried this prayer of anguish, I turned to Psalm 18:16 and received the encouragement, the promise that I needed to face my battle. "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters." God used these words to assure me that He was in control. He never leaves His children alone, no matter how we feel. It's not about our feelings; it's about the Truth!
The truth is that God is faithful and constant and omnipresent. He will draw us out of deep waters....when the time is right. And in the meantime, "God has heard all of [our] prayers. He has treasured and stored up everyone of [our] tears." (Psalm 56:8)
I pray that you can draw comfort from knowing that God is not a distant, aloof Creator, but a close, loving Father who sees every tear that falls from our eyes. Who hears everyone of our cries for help and everyone of our prayers for deliverance. He is there, waiting for the perfect moment to show up and show off!
The waiting is no fun, but I LOVE it when God shows off!
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters;
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail,
looking for my God.
Psalm 69:1-3
Do you ever feel like you're in over your head in life? I know that I feel this way often. Like I'm not going to be able to take another step, another breath. I feel completely inadequate as a wife, a mother, a child of God.
One night, these emotions overwhelmed to the point where I really couldn't breathe. I was having a string of panic attacks and was all alone. I was gasping for air, sobbing, pacing the floor, not knowing what to do.
Then, I felt the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit and opened my Bible. I didn't know where to go, what to read, where to start, what to pray. God led me to the verses above, and the Holy Spirit prayed for me - He interceded on my behalf. I didn't know how to begin my prayer to God. But the prayer was provided for me. And these words of David came directly from my heart. I did feel like I was drowning. I was exhausted. My throat was dry from so much crying. My eyes were so puffy that I could barely see the floor that I was pacing.
Even at my lowest point, God provided. He provided the words when I couldn't form them. He shared my heart and my hurt with me. I wasn't alone.
Not long after my heart cried this prayer of anguish, I turned to Psalm 18:16 and received the encouragement, the promise that I needed to face my battle. "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters." God used these words to assure me that He was in control. He never leaves His children alone, no matter how we feel. It's not about our feelings; it's about the Truth!
The truth is that God is faithful and constant and omnipresent. He will draw us out of deep waters....when the time is right. And in the meantime, "God has heard all of [our] prayers. He has treasured and stored up everyone of [our] tears." (Psalm 56:8)
I pray that you can draw comfort from knowing that God is not a distant, aloof Creator, but a close, loving Father who sees every tear that falls from our eyes. Who hears everyone of our cries for help and everyone of our prayers for deliverance. He is there, waiting for the perfect moment to show up and show off!
The waiting is no fun, but I LOVE it when God shows off!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Just Let Go!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5,6
(Disclaimer: This post is more a stream of consciousness thing than anything else. I am in awe of God's sovereignty today and want desperately for you to see how AMAZING our God is! So, my apologies if this rambles or does not make sense. It is coming straight from my heart.)
As soon as I began praying this on Thursday, my depression set in with a fury. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was crying without cause or reason. I lost all interest in living. I stopped eating - my apetite was just gone. Satan had renewed his attacks on me with a vengeance! He had gotten scared! Unfortunately, so had I. Fear set in. All those old lies came to the surface. The temptations were overwhelming. I felt myself shut down, close myself off from the rest of the world, put on my mask when needed, and be what everyone expected me to be. At least that way nobody would have to know that I was afraid.
On Sunday, I made plans to meet with two very special women on Monday - one for lunch, one in the evening. I was already freaking out on the inside. This was me stepping WAY outside of my comfort zone. But underneath the panic, was peace. I was listening for God and being obedient.
Both of these ladies blessed my socks off and have agreed to walk with me on this journey in very different but very important ways. I had no idea how quickly God would answer this prayer. (He tends to take His time with me - in my opinion.) I also had no idea how soon my trust in God would be put to the test. Last night, my therapist and I came to the agreement that I would "take off the training wheels" and try things out on my own for a WHOLE MONTH! I have been staying so frustrated and depressed that all I see if failure. This break will give me a chance to see myself making progress. It sounds good to say it. It makes sense to hear it. It scares the bejeebies out of me to walk it out. But....I have chosen to "lean not on my own understanding" and to trust.
Today, God is telling me, "Just let go. I've got you. You're going to be fine. You're not going to go anywhere that I haven't already ordained." Just one snag in that pep talk - my Joe has had the stomach bug since last night. Those lonely hours in the middle of the night. The laundry. Trying to keep the germs from infecting all of us. Seeing my baby hurting. It was all too much - PANIC ATTACK (or several)!
BUT GOD is faithful!
I woke up this morning to the most amazing display of God's love that I have experienced in a long time. I was receiving texts, facebook posts, emails all offering encouragement, prayers, support. One precious sister even offered to come and sit with my sick little boy so that I could go to the gym and get my workout in. Such thoughtfulness! I have not felt such love before, because it came, not just from my best friend or the people I would expect to hear from, but from the body of Christ.
I am still very anxious about not seeing my therapist for a month. But, boy, am I excited to see the body of Christ at work in my life for the next month! Wow! I have someone who has agreed to be my Aaron and someone to be my Hur. I have sisters who don't even know me praying for me, standing in the gap while my "Aaron" and my "Hur" are both out of town. I have someone who has agreed to be my mentor, to walk closely with me on this journey. I have so much love coming at me! I had been depending on my therapist to be the entire body of Christ for me, because it is so very difficult for me to be weak and vulnerable. (See previous post.) But by asking God to show me, then taking the time to listen for His response, and then being obedient - He has reminded me yet again of His faithfulness and has demonstrated it to me in the most powerful way!
"Just let go, Casey."
"But God, I'll fall. I'll fail. I'll never make it."
"Just let go, Casey."
And I did. And you know what? I didn't fall - my sisters in Christ caught me with His arms. And you know what else? I may still fail. But Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you." It may seem like I will never make it. But I've got a "great cloud of witnesses" cheering me on!
And so do you. Just let go, my friends, and see the power of God!!
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5,6
(Disclaimer: This post is more a stream of consciousness thing than anything else. I am in awe of God's sovereignty today and want desperately for you to see how AMAZING our God is! So, my apologies if this rambles or does not make sense. It is coming straight from my heart.)
God is faithful. Why do we ever doubt it? Why do I ever doubt it? God has always shown up right on time in the most perfect way. And yet, I doubt.
God has been telling me for several weeks that I needed to open myself up to the body of Christ and trust His provision. Last Thursday morning at Bible Study, He used a precious sister to show me the importance of having the counsel of older, wiser godly women. Up until this time, the only women older than myself that I looked to for guidance were my mom and my therapist. I trust both of them implicitly, but Mom is my mom and my therapist is my therapist. What I need are women to trust, to ask for guidance, to pray with, to speak Truth into my life. So I made plans with a sweet sister to get together sometime during the coming week.
And I began to pray. "God show me what to do. Open doors for me where they need to be. Close the doors that I am not supposed to walk through. Give me discernment to know what to share, how much to share, and with whom to share it. Bring the right women into my life."As soon as I began praying this on Thursday, my depression set in with a fury. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was crying without cause or reason. I lost all interest in living. I stopped eating - my apetite was just gone. Satan had renewed his attacks on me with a vengeance! He had gotten scared! Unfortunately, so had I. Fear set in. All those old lies came to the surface. The temptations were overwhelming. I felt myself shut down, close myself off from the rest of the world, put on my mask when needed, and be what everyone expected me to be. At least that way nobody would have to know that I was afraid.
On Sunday, I made plans to meet with two very special women on Monday - one for lunch, one in the evening. I was already freaking out on the inside. This was me stepping WAY outside of my comfort zone. But underneath the panic, was peace. I was listening for God and being obedient.
Both of these ladies blessed my socks off and have agreed to walk with me on this journey in very different but very important ways. I had no idea how quickly God would answer this prayer. (He tends to take His time with me - in my opinion.) I also had no idea how soon my trust in God would be put to the test. Last night, my therapist and I came to the agreement that I would "take off the training wheels" and try things out on my own for a WHOLE MONTH! I have been staying so frustrated and depressed that all I see if failure. This break will give me a chance to see myself making progress. It sounds good to say it. It makes sense to hear it. It scares the bejeebies out of me to walk it out. But....I have chosen to "lean not on my own understanding" and to trust.
Today, God is telling me, "Just let go. I've got you. You're going to be fine. You're not going to go anywhere that I haven't already ordained." Just one snag in that pep talk - my Joe has had the stomach bug since last night. Those lonely hours in the middle of the night. The laundry. Trying to keep the germs from infecting all of us. Seeing my baby hurting. It was all too much - PANIC ATTACK (or several)!
BUT GOD is faithful!
I woke up this morning to the most amazing display of God's love that I have experienced in a long time. I was receiving texts, facebook posts, emails all offering encouragement, prayers, support. One precious sister even offered to come and sit with my sick little boy so that I could go to the gym and get my workout in. Such thoughtfulness! I have not felt such love before, because it came, not just from my best friend or the people I would expect to hear from, but from the body of Christ.
I am still very anxious about not seeing my therapist for a month. But, boy, am I excited to see the body of Christ at work in my life for the next month! Wow! I have someone who has agreed to be my Aaron and someone to be my Hur. I have sisters who don't even know me praying for me, standing in the gap while my "Aaron" and my "Hur" are both out of town. I have someone who has agreed to be my mentor, to walk closely with me on this journey. I have so much love coming at me! I had been depending on my therapist to be the entire body of Christ for me, because it is so very difficult for me to be weak and vulnerable. (See previous post.) But by asking God to show me, then taking the time to listen for His response, and then being obedient - He has reminded me yet again of His faithfulness and has demonstrated it to me in the most powerful way!
"Just let go, Casey."
"But God, I'll fall. I'll fail. I'll never make it."
"Just let go, Casey."
And I did. And you know what? I didn't fall - my sisters in Christ caught me with His arms. And you know what else? I may still fail. But Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient for you." It may seem like I will never make it. But I've got a "great cloud of witnesses" cheering me on!
And so do you. Just let go, my friends, and see the power of God!!
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